Fresh Start

Been a hot minute since I have posted anything, but Happy New Year, everyone! Here's to hoping that 2022 is a better one.

This new year has got me thinking about the fresh starts most people make, and I plan to make one for myself this year. My relationship with weight has been strange over the years, and this year I am hoping to improve that. Growing up, I used to be such a petite and skinny thing, but that all changed when I turned 7. A great many things started when I turned 7, the first being that I was moving to a new school. I left infants to join junior school, which was a big deal for a 7-year-old. Secondly, my babysitter, who had looked after me since I was a baby, had retired. Whilst this doesn't sound like a big deal, to me, it was like losing a family member. It ended with me eating to compensate. Finally, I started going through puberty quite early. By the age of 9, I had breasts, and my first period started when I was 10.

It could be one of these factors or a combination of some/all, but I started putting on weight after the age of 7. It never really bothered me growing up, or at least I thought it didn't. At the ripe age of 20, I am starting to look back and see just how much my weight has affected me growing up. I never really wore skirts in my teen years, and when I did, they were always longer than knee-length. In the end, I mostly just wore baggy clothes, which never helped. I have noticed little things about my body that I hated over recent years, but I think Covid-19 has had a significant impact.

In the first lockdown, I gained 2 stone. This was a bit of a wake-up call for me as I realised that what I eat and exercise affects my body. My teenage hormones were no longer going to help me now. Since the start of 2020, I have gained in total 5 stone in extra weight. My insecurities about my body increased dramatically. Clothes I loved wearing suddenly stopped fitting, and all these stretch marks started appearing on my body. Having a 9-year-old brother doesn't help either since little boys seem to find pleasure in making fun of every single one of your insecurities. The most painful comment being 'you look like you have had five kids with all those marks on your tummy'. Not exactly what you want to hear at 19. But now I feel like I'm in a place where I'm done moping about and finally ready to try and embrace change.

It's going to be hard, but I'm not doing this just to fit in with the beauty standard of women, but because I'm sick of feeling like this. I'm constantly tired, unmotivated, and ill, and I just want to end it. Changing my health is all I can do at this point, and it will prevent me from gaining family conditions that could drastically change my life. When it's the middle of the year, I'll post an update about this and see if any change has happened.

If anyone does actually see this, then wish me luck. I hope that if anyone feels insecure about their own body, I want you to know that you shouldn't change because others tell you to. Only change when you feel like it and only change for yourself. It's your body and your life. No one else has a right to change or force that.

Sincerely,

A Waste of Space.